It must be here.
Mrs. Kobayashi...
This is it.
Mrs. Kobayashi! You have a registered letter.
A registered letter!
Mrs. Kobayashi?
I'm coming in.
Mrs. Kobayashi?
Mrs. Kobayashi...
Are you okay?
Mrs. Kobayashi?
Is this the police?
There's a dead granny in this house.
Turning myself in? No, I didn't do it.
I'm a mailman.
I came to deliver the mail and found her dead.
Yes... No, come right away!
Okay.
What? Right here?
Why do I have to stay here?
Yeah, but I have to finish delivering the mail.
Fine then. But come right away.
Right. The address?
Her address is... Um...
Can you hold on a second?
This is her address.
2-8, Shimoshakuji, Nerima Ward. She's Miyoko Kobayashi.
Okay. Yes. Thank you.
Damn. Why do I have to stay here?
This gives me the creeps.
My Life?
Her will?
Her will...
It's that granny.
The war ended and I was left an orphan.
It was Chen Lao Tzu who took me in.
He took great care of me as if I was his real daughter.
He taught me the secrets of Shaolin Kung Fu.
Training was harsh and demanding.
Shaolin Temple
But I put my heart and soul into it.
There was no time to care about love or fashion.
I just concentrated on training.
When I turned 20, Chen Lao Tzu handed me the dojo and passed away.
After the master died, many people attempted to take over the dojo.
There were many strong opponents. But none of them were as good as me.
But two years ago during summer...
No, was it fall?
Maybe winter...
Anyway, one day...
Enough of the "Ha! Ha!"
Yo granny, remember me? It's Mr. Pepe. I haven't forgotten what you did to me.
That ain't happening again.
Hold your horses. Listen granny.
You're not going against me today.
Master lppon-ashi!
Master, that's her. That's the granny.
Master lppon-ashi is gonna kick all your asses today.
We're gonna take over this dojo.
Cut the crap!
Ippon-ashi my ass!
Master, let me take care of this.
Hey squirt, stop acting like a hero.
Do your best. Just don't humiliate yourself.
Maro, are you okay?
No wonder they call those "God's Legs".
Shaolin Kung Fu is too mundane to beat me.
Master! Master!
Take that granny! From now on, this dojo is ours!
If you wanna be strong like the Master, you can become our pupils.
Hey...
Hey!
Guys...
Yo! What are you guys gonna do?
It's wise to be on our side.
Squirt and fatso, what's your answer?
Masaru...
Why didn't you stay?
Because I'm too fat to stand on one leg.
What about you, Maro?
I'm her best pupil. Master Miyoko is my only master.
I'm following her forever.
But what are we going to do?
What...should we do?
Being defeated for the first time and losing Shaolin Temple,
I found myself in deep sadness.
We wandered about aimlessly...
We soon found ourselves walking in the city.
Wow, look at those huge buildings!
I'm starving. Maro, let's eat something.
Without money, there's nothing we can do.
We're Yasuda Circus!
- Hi! I'm the circus master. - And I'm Hiro.
I'm Kuro-chan.
Thank you very much!
Let's play Power Ranger. I'll be Red Ranger, so play along.
- Red Ranger! - Cherry Ranger! Rose Ranger!
That makes us all red.
How stereotypical!
- Let's change colors this time. - Okay, let's do it.
- Red Ranger! - Redder Ranger! Reddest Ranger!
It's just getting darker!
That's the end folks!
Achoo!
Thanks for watching Yasuda Circus!
Yasuda Circus Street Live, now on sale!
Back then, we were helpless.
But there was one thing left for us.
Yes, Shaolin Kung Fu.
Shaolin Kung Fu!
Shaolin...
What the hell?
All he says is "Shaolin Kung Fu".
Your show was hilarious.
Uh...thank you.
Is she your mother?
No, she's our master.
Master of what?
Shaolin Kung Fu.
I see. A combination of comedy and Shaolin Kung Fu?
Who's your agent?
- Our agent? - Yeah, agent.
Do we have one?
I have no idea.
I own a club. Why don't you work for me?
With three meals and a nap.
I'm Tanny. Tanny Rudolfvich.
President & COO:. Tanny Rudolfvich
Continued to Volume 2
Volume 2?
Two?
I see. I was reading Volume 1.
Volume 2. Where's Volume 2?
This is it. Volume 2.
Synopsis? Forget the synopsis.
This is how we began working at Tony Rudolfvich's place.
We worked diligently, as if to refuse facing the harsh reality.
Because we lived our entire life in Shaolin Temple,
this was such a fresh and enjoyable life.
Soon, we completely forgot about taking revenge.
What's with that attitude?
Mr. Tanny!
Let's take this outside!
Hey!
What's your problem, granny?
You damn hag!
Shaolin Kung Fu!
After a month went by...
No, maybe it was two months.
As time went by, I found myself becoming the club's Number One dancer.
Ladies and Gentlemen, the last stage of the day is of course, the one and only, Shaolin Granny!
Deep in the forest, there's an unmapped temple
Who is that woman with awkward moves?
Born in Manchuria, brought up after the war
A sagging stomach, a short tight perm
Kick, punch, Shaolin Kung Fu!
I'm a stranger to love and fashion
I shall follow my own path
Because I am Shaolin Granny!
The air raid on Tokyo, Kamikaze attacks
I survived Hiroshima to witness the Potsdam Declaration
Whoosh, Blam, Shaolin Kung Fu
You're out, you're safe, one two three
I shall follow my own path
Because I am Shaolin Granny!
Kick, punch, Shaolin Kung Fu!
I'm a stranger to love and fashion
I shall follow my own path
Master, may we talk in private?
Masaru and I had a talk.
We can't go on like this forever.
Let's defeat that lppon-ashi.
And let's take back Shaolin Temple.
Master, are you satisfied with this?
Master!
To be frank, I was satisfied with this.
One such day...
Cut it out! Cut it out people!
Nobody wants to watch that granny dance!
Move it!
Hey you, move it!
I said to move it, dude!
That guy...
Get off the stage!
What's your problem?
Maro...
Look at that. Your master is quite something.
She pretends not to notice her pupils are being crushed.
Hey, could you cut it out?
Here you go.
Thanks.
Guys, there's nothing to gain if you stay with this damn hag.
Don't you think it's better to come with us?
Quit being aroused by that granny's panties.
Shaolin my ass. Cut the crap.
Masaru and Maro just left. Aren't you going after them?
I don't care, but...
See you.
While my pupils were being beaten, all I could do was continue dancing.
I was terrified... Really terrified.
So terrified...
I'm not strong enough to defeat lppon-ashi.
My loss was completely logical. I knew that more than anybody.
Another black mark engraved in my heart.
I understand...
I know that feeling.
That happens to me all the time.
It really hurts.
Miyo, you're early. Are you here to practice dancing?
- Tanny Rudolfvich? - Damn!
You're not going anywhere!
Let me go!
I don't understand Japanese!
Please stop it! Let me go!!
That was the last I saw of him.
I don't know the details, but I heard Tanny Rudolfvich returned to his country.
The club closed down and I had nowhere to go.
I found myself living in a park.
"Shaolin Temple. End of dancing, end of life".
I'm very sorry.
Thank you.
I've noticed you watching all the time.
Why don't you join us?
Do you know gateball?
It's a piece of cake. Come with me.
Hit it through Gate 1.
Go ahead, try.
That was a bit too strong.
This isn't golf, so hit the ball softer.
That was close.
Keep your hip in a low position and use your wrists.
Grip the stick like this.
You did it.
Do the same thing.
What's that about?
Getting private lessons from Taro without my permission?
I hear she lives underneath that steel tower.
I bet Taro invited her over.
Why?
Probably because you forced a member to quit.
She must be the replacement.
"Forced"? Don't put it like that.
She quit herself after I teased her a bit.
Nevertheless, she gets on my nerves.
Miyo!
Miyo, is this where you live?
You're all alone?
That makes us the same.
Did you have fun playing gateball?
I'm glad to hear that. See you again tomorrow.
Taro, we're leaving!
I'm coming! See you.
This is how I met him for the first time.
Kobayashi
From that day on, I became obsessed with gateball.
Looking back, I think it was probably out of sheer desire to see him.
Whenever I thought of him, something tingled inside me.
Good luck, Miyo.
You did it!
That was a close one!
No.6 touches No.5.
That's the Foomin Slider.
Foomin Spark!
No.6 touches No.5.
Foomin Spark!
That's Foomin's Ant-lion Larva Spark Combo.
It mentally devastates the person hitting the out-ball so much they can't continue.
God knows how many elders disappeared because of that.
Hey Taro!
Isn't it the rule to stay and clean-up if you score less than one point?
Yeah, that's the rule, but Miyo is still a beginner at this.
But it is the rule.
Yeah...
Miyo!
Miyo, let me help you.
Taro...
I don't know why he likes you, but don't get carried away.
Let's make a bet.
If you beat me in the next game, Taro is yours.
But if I win, get the hell out of here.
Stay out of Taro's and my life forever.
You got that?
Foomin
Let us begin the special match between Foomin and Miyo.
Miyo, will you be okay?
Atta girl!
Close one!
Foomin Slider coming up.
What happened?
Was it the wind?
Will you be able to handle a spark?
I can't wait to see it.
Just make sure you don't burn yourself.
Foomin!?
Foomin, what happened?
Miyo, run for your life!
Oh, Miyo...
This is how our love burst into flames.
Miyo...
I was your first?
From then on, we continued to make love over and over.
Continued to Volume 3
What the hell? Ew, this makes me sick.
Volume 3...
Here it is. Volume 3.
We continued to indulge in carnal desires.
Gateball during the day, and loveball at night.
He entered my gate with his huge stick.
Every time his stick hammered my petal,
I reached a sparkling white world.
Oh yes... I'm losing it...
Oh Taro... Ahh... Oohh...
What in God's name? This is making me puke.
Yuck, the drawings are gross.
What the...?
My legs... it's still going on.
Ooh, aah... What in the world?
Geez...
My anus...
Sick.
That's the end of Volume 3?
Volume 4...
Where's Volume 4?
Volume 4... Volume 4...
This is it. Volume 4.
I mouthed his wet stick...
She's still rambling on.
Look at this.
She's blindfolded.
Ew sick!
I'm gonna puke.
This is going on forever.
What in the world?
Let's come together...
Damn, this is long.
Continued to Volume 5.
Why can't she keep all five together?
I found it.
Volume 5.
It's finally over.
Then one day...
We offer...
Guys, can't you work harder?
We're very sorry.
Again.
One and two.
Peep room, Lucky Hall.
No good. You look grim. You have to smile more.
That's it.
What's wrong?
I'm sorry.
Peep room, Lucky Hall.
Say it louder.
Please let me be your pupil.
I don't want to rot and die.
Master!
Let's defeat that lppon-ashi.
And let's take back Shaolin Temple. Master!
Master, are you satisfied with this?
Master!
What's your problem?
Guys, there's nothing to gain if you stay with this damn hag.
Don't you think it's better to come with us?
Is something wrong?
Let's go.
Sorry.
Peep room, Lucky Hall.
No other place can offer what we have.
Miyo...what's wrong?
You seem to be in a daze.
Miyo...
Let's get married.
I have a feeling that with you...
I can lead a happy life.
Marry me.
Okay?
Dear Taro?
I was really happy when you proposed to me.
But I'm sorry.
There's something I must accomplish
before getting married to you.
It's a battle for me to recover my pride and glory.
I must take responsibility for only caring about my own happiness until now.
I promise to return to you after I win this battle.
P.S. Breakfast is in the fridge.
Miyo...
Ippon-ashi Shaolin Kung Fu Recruiting new pupils
I knew this training wasn't enough to beat lppon-ashi's special skills.
I struggled to find a way to bring her down.
Then it hit me.
Peep room, Lucky Hall.
No other place can offer our sexy shows of models and talents.
Come take a peep at Lucky Hall. It's only 2,000 yen.
Peep room Lucky Hall is only 2,000 yen.
Come one, come all!
Let's take a shower at an lnternet Cafe.
I'm drenched in sweat.
We don't have money.
The guy said he's transferring money to our bank account today.
Transfer? We don't have a bank account.
Huh? What does that mean?
Let's pay him a visit.
Yeah.
Maro...
Yeah...
That won't make you strong like me.
Do it like this!
Are you listening to me?
Your leg's not high enough. Do it right.
You're doing it too slow.
Peep room, Lucky Hall.
No other place can offer our sexy shows of models and talents.
Come take a peep at Lucky Hall. It's only 2,000 yen.
Peep room, Lucky Hall is only 2,000 yen.
Come one, come all!
Barging in without a reservation? What's going on, Shaolin Granny?
You're gonna beat me with that toy?
I think you're underestimating my legs.
You hag.
I'll send you straight to hell.
I see you've trained a little.
But let's put an end to this.
You'll be the first to witness my secret technique.
You should feel honored.
I give up!
Master!
Ippon-ashi eventually became my pupil. As for me, I returned to Taro.
Shaolin Kung Fu!
Yippee! I caught it!
I retired from Shaolin Temple and left lppon-ashi in charge.
That...happened in the train.
I'm going on a business trip tomorrow.
About a week after our wedding,
he began to sleep out a lot and stay away from home.
Shut up, you hag!
You're too persistent.
After that... he never came home.
Shortly after...
he sent me divorce papers.
As for me...
I was all alone.
Living in solitude, I was a granny just waiting for her death.
But I had no regret.
Because this is my life.
Master Chen once told me.
When a horse senses his death, he searches for the right place and dies in solitude.
I learned so much outside Shaolin Temple. Happiness, sadness, and falling in love.
I enjoyed my life very much.
In heaven, shall I become Master's pupil again?
Until then, I'll live here quietly.
I really enjoyed my life.
"Ups and downs outside Shaolin Temple. Yet, I have no regret."
The End
This granny...
She went through so much.
If you were alive,
I wanted to become your pupil.
Wh... What?!
W... Wait!
No, you're misunderstanding. I'm just a mailman.
I... I thought you were dead already.
The End
Thank you very much. I am...
You hag!